Love Oh So Well

I love you oh so well like a kid loves candy and fresh snow.

I love you oh so well enough to fill up heaven, overflow, and fill hell.

Love you oh so well.

On January 30, 2007 my mom died after a 4 year fight with kidney cancer.  Hands down, it was the worst day/night/week of my life.  There are so many unanswered questions about those four years, and I will forever be in pursuit of "why?"  I was 20 years old.  It sucked.  But this post is not meant to be a downer, it's meant to explain the title of my blog: Love Oh So Well.

Unconditionally.  My mom loved me unconditionally. There was never a doubt in my mind about how much my mom loved me, and there was no limit or measure of that love.  She did everything for my brother and me.   She drove me to and from school almost everyday.  She packed my lunch all through elementary school.  She volunteered for (more than her share of) class trips, outings, and parties.  Mom was always there for school events, PTO Meetings, book sales, and fundraisers.


One of my fondest memories of her showing her love was when I was in Mrs. Goforth's Kindergarten class.  I was obsessed with the circus and we were going on a class field trip to see Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus, so she hand-made us ridiculous clown sweatshirts.  And instead of just letting me wear the loud clown shirt and look (what I now realize was dumb) awesome, she wore one too!   I still have that stupid-scary clown sweatshirt she made.

Beyond school she was so invested in my life. She supported all of my passions: theater, baseball, soccer, band, and scouts.   She drove me to and from every practice, concert, game, rehearsal, and meeting.   She made sure my uniform was washed, my bags were packed appropriately, my work was done, and my goals met.  I can't think of a single activity which she didn't support.  She loved loves me so much. Unconditionally.
 
One of my mom's favorite things in life was snow.  The most reliable source of a smile was a fresh snow fall.  Honestly, I don't know what initiated her love of snow, but I know without a doubt that she is the source of my own love for snow.  As much as snow, she loved snowmen.  She had an extensive collection of plush, porcelain, LED, and singing snowmen.  One of her favorite snowmen was a rock-n-roll snowmen, about 8 inches tall with a top hat and sunglasses, and when you pressed his belly he sang, I'm a snnnooowww man (Much like the Blues Brothers' I'm a soul man).

In 2013, a year into seminary, my dad and I were having a conversation about my mom.  The conversation was about both of us going through seminary to become pastors, and what mom would think.   Everything was going well until dad pulled the classic, "Well, you know what your mom told me before she died, don't ya?"  No, dad, I sure don't.  Dad then informed me that before mom died, she said I would go to seminary and become a pastor one day.  Well, if there wasn't enough pressure already.

Dave Matthews Band has a song called 'Oh'.  Dave wrote 'Oh' about his grandparents' love.  The verses juxtapose the chaotic cacophony of war, which Dave's grandfather experienced while fighting Rommel in North Africa, and the peaceful echos of his grandmother's voice in the old dusty home they once shared.  Years after she died, Dave's grandfather said that he could still feel the echo of his wife and her love in their house.  The lyrics declare that even in the hell of life, "you are here with me, (and that) makes it ok."  Invisible to the evils of the world, the chorus describes their innocent love like that of a "kid who loves candy and fresh snow."  Listen Here or a Live Version Here.

Anyone who knows me (somewhat well) knows that I love Dave Matthews Band.  They are my favorite band, and I think my mom would like them too.  The first time I heard the song 'Oh' was in college the year after my mom died.  I heard the line I love you oh so well like a kid loves candy and fresh snow and I was hooked.  Although the song speaks about the relationship of a husband and wife, it speaks more about love and love's ability to sing far beyond death.  Even Especially when the world sucks, love sings. Unconditional love sings.

My mom loved me and she is the motivation for almost everything I do.  I make a conscious effort to live every day to its fullest (although I often fail).  To be present in the monotonous things of life.  To sacrifice feeling dumb to help someone save face.  To care for those around me and help them get to where they're going.  To feed and nourish.  And most importantly, to love unconditionally.  To Love. To love oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow.